Gwyneth Paltrow’s son’s testimony in Her Ski Crash Trial is absolutely perfect

It’s day seven of Gwyneth Paltrow’s controversial trial, and while the internet seems to be mostly enraptured by the Goop CEO’s sparkling water and chick lit show, I’m far more enthralled by her commitment to dodging any and all concern. Paltrow claimed that the plaintiff, 76-year-old retired optometrist Terry Sanderson, crashed into her while skiing in Salt Lake City in 2016. And like Sandersonius, who testified that “at least three ribs were broken” and “sustained.” “concussion” because of the collision, she also apparently suffered some post-crash troubles.

Gwyneth Paltrow's son's testimony in Her Ski Crash Trial is absolutely perfect
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“Well we lost half a day of skiing,” Paltrow testified indignantly last week with an eyebrow raise that should almost certainly qualify her for a starring role in the next season of White Lotus. And now, through depositions read in court, her children have revealed exactly what their mother did during the rest of that hiccup day.
Apple Martin, Paltrow’s 18-year-old daughter, said that while she didn’t see the collision on the mountain, her mother seemed “a little shocked” when they met for lunch in her wake. When Martin asked Paltrow what happened, she replied to her mother, “This guy ran to me. He ran straight into my back.’

Paltrow revealed that she was “clearly visibly upset” and described herself as in pain. “I remember why he was going to spam to get a pension,” Martin added.

Even Paltrow’s son Moses weighed in on the crash through written testimony, saying he didn’t see the crash either, but he got a good look at the fallout: “When I was rolling, I heard mom yelling at the guy; Martin called back. “He was saying something along the lines of, ‘What’s the F word? He just ran into me.’

Apparently, Paltrow and Sanderson’s representatives have very different pictures of the fight (with her questioning Paltrow about her friendship with Taylor Swift and her height). Sanderson’s attorneys called upon medical professionals and stated that their client suffered in a myriad of ways, cognitively, behaviorally, and interpersonally, with the collision. Meanwhile, Paltrow’s client against Sanderson is not only at fault, but has a laundry list of pre-existing medical conditions and has become “obsessed” with the case against his client.

Even though the memes and related content about the claim of “the most candid test of all time” are very good, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for Sanderson. It seems that no one told her how difficult it is for a white woman of obscene wealth to own anything – especially one who only two years ago foolishly regretted starring in Hal Vadis.

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